Sadda Haq - Sanyukta's Diaries
by Soul Wonders
Summary: This is a four chapter series, where Sanyukta is exploring her feelings for Randhir. She is confused yet determined to clear all the air between her best friend and herself and find out what it is that makes them both inseparable. It her diary entries where she gives and account of her tryst with her best friend and soon to be discovered love of her life 'Randhir'.
1. Chapter 1

**Dear Diary,**

They say that when you wish for something too badly... the entire world conspires to bring that thing to you... reminds you of the Alchemist's Theory ?

Well, for me it was always my engineering. I have braved my way through an engagement with Sameer, yeah that boy who my dad thought was an ideal match for me. But obviously he didn't think too highly of my aspirations. How on earth could I ever convince him about what engineering meant for me?

But nevertheless he is history now J yes ! the Alchemist's Theory worked for me too J Just a day before our engagement my father stumbled upon a common family friend who disclosed such facts about Sameer's family and my father realised he was pushing me to dungeons. Thank you God ! Thank you... Thank you ... Thank you... Now I am back in FITE for good.

My coming back to FITE may safely be termed as a second inning, with whole new set of opportunities and...friends. Yeah... Randhir and I are friends now. How ? that again is history JJJ. But I must admit that I have never had a funnier friend.

He is all chirping one moment and suddenly he is sulking. Why? Because, I spent a minute extra discussing the latest movie's trailer with Parth. Sometimes he is so protective that he will not let anyone speak a word about me and at times he respects me enough to let me fight my own battles. The other day he almost twisted Sahil's wrist to a breaking point because he laughed off my new blond hair color. And the very next day, he allowed me to face the competitors from LITS and prove my mettle all by myself. Its so amazing that he understands where I need his support and where I need to be on my own. At latter occasions, I can see the fire in his eyes though... the restlessness at not being able to stand up for me; for letting me brave the world all by myself.

I hope he understands that I am able to go all out and challenge the world only because I know someone behind me is not going to fail me. I know that, I can count on him – the one person who will be there to hold me if I stumble. He has always done so; even when we were not friends.

But, I don't know what has come over him since last couple of days. The other day he was sitting in the canteen, when I walked in and sat beside him. I remember that like always in the recent days I sat close enough to him that my arm rubbed against his. And he immediately pulled his arm back ?

'Hey Randhir! What are you upto? Didn't attend the morning lecture? You OK ?' I asked him.

He looked admonishingly at me and said in his very husky voice, 'None of your businesses Sanyukta. Just mind your own job.' And stood upto to leave.

I too stood up shrugging, 'Arre! We are friends right. So your business is my business. Common now tell me.' I insisted, but received a staunch look from him.

I have seen Randhir seething with anger for like everyday of my life for two years at FITE. I know when he is trying to throw attitude, or is jealous or just being rude. But that day, it seemed different. It seemed as if he had decided to act cold. But why? I don't know why? But I decided that I will find out...

As surreptitiously as he may decide to act, but he cannot ignore me. Hmmm... Mr. Randhir Singh Shekhawat ! You are incapable of ignoring my presence in your life. You could never ignore me even when we were not the best of friends, and your thinking that you can keep yourself detached from me now is a laughably naive thought. (I don't know why I say this so confidently, but I am confident when I say this!)

The other day, I lost my debit card. I was in tears because I had to buy a new laptop immediately. With the debit card gone, I was really panicking as my PKC's assignment would suffer. But then appeared Randhir and started consoling me in his typical angry young man style, 'Rone se kuch nahi hota Sanyukta. Ab rona band karo.' He held me by my wrist and started pulling me along with him towards the parking. 'Seriously, I don't understand you Sanyukta. At the most difficult of times you are so strong as Jhansi ki Rani. And this, you are crying for such a trivial problem as if hell has broken loose. Arre baba, we'll get your card blocked and request for a new one. About your new laptop! Let's go and buy one right away' he said as he pulled out his own credit card and swayed it in the air like a Japanese fan. The smirk on his face shouted out loud to me, 'Don't worry dear, when Randhir is here.' And I smiled back at him nervously, but my soul was dancing that my old Randhir was back...(My Randhir ? Whatz wrong with me ?)

Next day, after PKC's lecture, I ran upto him to thank him and invite him for a coffee. He turned, but there he went again. The shield was back. It looked like he had smothered himself with a layer of intended indifference.

After a couple of days of his disconcerting behaviour I have realised that he is making a conscious attempt to distance away himself from me. He has been angry with me earlier, but everytime his agitation has been impulsively evident. He never had the patience to express the real reason for his displeasure; rather he would take to attacking me verbally on the first opportunity presented to him. But this time it's a cold hearted attempt to keep me away from himself. I am missing that always fierce Randhir, who is ready to jump into action from the word go; especially wherever it concerns me.

But wait a minute, why am I thinking about him so much. If he does not want to remain friends with me, let him suit himself. I am sure I shall not die with him not speaking to me from now on. I have my other set of friends – there's Kaustu, Jiggy, Sahil and now there's Parth too. But something feels amiss. Why do my thoughts keep wandering to figure out the reason for his confusing behaviour? Why do I keep turning back to see him in the class, incase he is looking at me? Why do I continuously keep guessing as to whatever he might be upto with his snooty attitude? Is it that he thinks that I am not worthy of his friendship? But then in that case he never finds anyone worthy of his friendship, and thus leads a forlorn life. Snob ! I think this description suits you well Randhir, you are doomed to solitude!

Arghhh ! But why is this unsettling feeling gripping me so bad? Let me just be and return the cold shoulder to him.


	2. Chapter 2

**_A Week Later_**

**_Dear Diary,_**

I guess the Laws of Attraction always work. First it was him ignoring me that left me perplexed, but for the last one week, I decided to return the callousness to him. And guess what? It seems that it hit him in the right place J

The other day, we ran into each other at the library. Any normal day, I would have excitedly greeted him and asked him how he was doing. But I decided to return the stone expression on his face with a stonier look. I just shot him a short glance, picked up my books and brushed past him. I could feel his eyes piercing through my back though, but I did not turn back and moved on to the classroom.

That very day, Randhir changed his seat in the classroom. From the second last row, he shifted to the far end of the same row as mine. This I did not see for myself; I heard YoYo call out to Randhir as to why he had changed his favourite place. I did not even once look on my right to see him seated just two chairs away from me. Why should I, for all that I now wonder why he couldn't have come and sit next to me? *frowns*

Yesterday, Sahil, Jiggy, YoYo, Kaustu and I went to the canteen to have our evening tea and snacks before we got on to our Dream Team project work. Randhir was already seated at the only table with empty chairs. I looked around to check if we could settle somewhere else. Then I heard Sahil walk upto Randhir and ask, 'Randhir Bhai! If you don't mind can we share this table with you?' Randhir must've nodded in agreement, because next I knew that everyone was making themselves comfortable at the same table. As I stood there deciding on my course of action, Kaustu called out, 'Sanyu, come and sit, I'll place the order.' I looked around to realise that the only vacant chair on the table was the one next to him. Something churned inside me and I very determinedly looked up to Kaustu and said, 'You guys carry on, I'll grab a quick sandwich and will have it on my way to the lab. I just remembered something which I need to check in the lab immediately.'

As I turned around to leave, I saw him staring at me. His face devoid of any expression and his glance completely cold, yet it had an extremely unsettling effect on me. I looked away in dismay and speeded my way to the lab. I sat there digging my face into my palms. After what seemed like eternity to me, I stood up to begin my work. After all, I did have a lot of work to do and I could not waste my time and energy on that god forsakenly proud creature.

I had just picked up the pliers and bent down to the machine, when I heard someone walk into the lab. Without looking up, I called out, 'Kaustu, you guys came? Please give me the clasps. This bolt seems to be stuck; it'll need some extra help to unscrew it.' Unmindfully, I picked up the clasp from the hand that reached out to me and continued my job. 'Need some help?' I heard a hoarse voice from behind me. I fought a fierce urge to stand up and say 'Yes! I do need help. But more than that I need the normal you back in my life. Can't we just get back to being friends?' But I didn't budge from my place and without even raising my head just replied, 'No Thanks. I'll manage.'

As always, Randhir made up his mind to not listen to me and did exactly the opposite of what I said. He bent down and tried helping me with the clasps and I held the pliers, determined not to look at him and remained pokerfaced. As we worked on the machine, there came a point where my hands were cupped into his very strong and coarse pair of palms. My entire body shuddered at the feel of his touch. I felt like I would daze out and struggled the urge to hold his hands and throw myself into his arms and break down. I just wanted to hug him tight and apologise to him for anything that I might have done to deserve this treatment from him. But i fought my very irrational urge, pulled my hands from beneath his and clenched them into fists. I felt so flustered that I stood up and picked up my bag to leave.

As I walked past the door of the lab, I saw the rest of the gang coming in. I fought the tears from welling up my eyes and said to Kaustu, 'I'm not feeling well. Slight headache. I'll go to the room and have some rest. Rest of you carry on.' I hustled my way to the room, hardly able to keep the tears at bay. And here I am with you, extremely hurt and drained out.

But again, the same question. Why is that creature having such an impact on me? I have had good and close friends earlier in my life and had fights with them too. But never in my life have I been so disturbed by a tiff with anyone of them (but with Randhir, this time I did not even have any tiff !). And what was that? That chill that went down my spine upon his touch! Why did I suddenly want to hug him so tight and never leave him?

All this is driving me crazy God! Please help me sort this out. Please do !


	3. Chapter 3

Today

Dear Diary,

I'm not sure if I am steady enough to write too much today. But I have so much to tell you...

After yesterday's encounter at the lab, I decided that I will not let myself be affected by Randhir's behaviour. I am away from home in this place for my dream and it'd be unfair if I let anything distract me from my ambition.

So, today I went about my day with a new zeal to concentrate completely and solely on my work. I entered the classroom and saw YoYo and Kaustuki giggling. Passing an amusing gleam I took my regular seat and opened my register to revise PKCs notes. You never know when he may just throw some googlies at you! I had just finished revising my notes when I felt someone take a seat next to mine. 'Kaustu! Tu yahaan pe ...' I looked up and got hooked to those pair of dark brown eyes. The way he looked back at me; his face was expressionless but his eyes were trying to cry out something really loud...I felt as if I wanted to get wrapped up in those eyes and never be detangled. I don't remember for how long we had been in an eye lock, but I suddenly heard PKC entering the class and got back to looking at my register.

I don't remember what PKC taught today in the class, because I couldn't concentrate.

Why ?

Because I was too conscious of his presence, him sitting next to me and giving those side glances throughout the lecture. Because I was confused as to why he had chosen to sit next to me!

As soon as the lecture got over, I thanked god that my ordeal was finally over and I rushed to the lab. The team had decided to work on the task post lunch, but I needed to keep my tortured mind under control, so I decided to plunge myself into work.

Not even five minutes must have passed when I felt someone standing next to me at the lab table. I did not have to look up to know who it was. The smell from his intoxicating cologne while he sat next to me in the class was still fresh in my mind. I shut my register close, took a deep breath and was about to leave when I felt his hand around my wrist. I tried to release myself from his grip but to no avail. I had decided that I will not lose my calm because of this insensitive person, so I just turned around and looked directly into his eyes. I must confess that it took a lot of effort to utter a few words, 'Listen Randhir, I am happy that you decided to go your way and trust me I am absolutely fine with it. So I would appreciate if we kept our interactions restricted to the dream team tasks now onwards.' I managed to stick my glance to his, even though my knees felt completely week as if about to crumple. 'Please don't believe a single word I say... Please don't !' I heard a voice from inside me trying to escape and reach out to him. I looked around in bewilderment and took my eyes back to the MCP standing infront of me.

Randhir had been listening intently to me. His face bore an extremely serious look with his lips pursed tightly. 'I understand what you mean. Just one request, meet me today at 9 p.m. in the parking lot.' He said bringing his hands across around his chest.

I let out a sigh in hilarity. I told him to try not to cross ways with me and he was asking me to meet him at the parking lot. 'Randhir! I told you that I don't want anything to do with you and your...' I couldn't complete... because he took a step ahead towards me, held my arms and hauled me against himself. 'Listen Farzi! When I say something, I only expect you to obey me.' His voice punctured my resolute to remain unaffected by anything about him. The glaze in his eyes made me close my eyes, 'Randhir! Leave me, Lemme go.'

'First promise me that you'll come' he reprimanded. I didn't know what to say, but in a hysterical effort to free myself from his grip, I exclaimed, 'OK! I'll come. I'll see you at 9 at the parking.'

He left my arms and put his hands in his pocket straightening his posture raising his chin as if implying victory. '9 p.m. it is. Don't be late.' he said and brushed across me out of the lab. I stood there fuming. 'Why on earth I agreed to him. What is this effect that he has on me?' I thought even as I resolved that there is no way that I was going tonight.

But what if he wants to apologise? What if he has an explanation to give for his behaviour during the past few days?

Something tells me that despite that calm look on his face, he really very desperately wanted me to come. And something from the past experience also tells me that if I don't go, there is nothing to stop him from climbing up the pipe outside my room and come and meet me right over here (ufffff) !

Ok! I'm panicking now. I guess I'll have to oblige that arrogant creature yet again.

Fine Mr. Worst of the worst MCPs ! I am coming...


	4. Chapter 4

**Hey Diary,**

I am short of breath, as much as I am short of words. But i'll try to tell you what happened today.

When I went to the parking, Randhir was already waiting. He looked extremely handsome in jeans and a red sweatshirt. He was leaning against his bike and as soon as he saw me he stood straight and passed on a faint smile towards me. He looked like a different person to me, different from what he had been behaving for the past couple of days.

'Why have you called me here?' I asked him extremely nonchalantly.

'Nothing. Just like that.' He answered. His lips curved up in a smile. But the smile seemed extremely warm. It was nothing like the cold behaviour he had been rendering out to me recently.

Having lost my patience, I looked at him aghast, 'Just Like That ? You called me here at 9 p.m. at night just like that? Are you nuts ?' I demanded an explanation.

Without bothering to reply to me he hopped onto his bike, kicked it to life and starting racing it without looking back at me. I figured that he was signalling me to get on the bike. I gave him a quizzical glance, 'Randhir, Tum...' I was about to banter him through my words when he said, 'Tumhe kuch bhi bina sawaal jawaab kiye karne mein problem hai kya? Why can't you just get on the bike?'

The tone in which he spoke this time was that of authority. It was as if he felt that he had the right to direct me and expect me to oblige to whatever he said. I could say nothing further and quietly though grudgingly got on to the bike. I must confess that my insides were extremely thrilled that we were going on a bike ride like several other times during the last one year of our friendship.

'But where are we going?' I tried asking but was cut off by his 'SShhh ! do not question me.'

In 15 minutes time we reached the city lake. Once he switched off the ingnition, I understood that I had to get down the bike. Randhir too got down and headed towards the lake. He stood there raising his head, looking at the stars and breathing in fresh air with his eyes closed. I stood there looking at him almost mesmerised. 'What is it with this guy? Why am I hooked on to him.' And wondered as to what for has this stupid boy brought me here.' I was busy juggling my thoughts when Randhir made himself comfortable on the grass stretch that surrounded the lake. He sat with his legs stretched out and and rested on his arms behind him.

I watched him in amazement, trying to decipher what his mind was working towards when he signalled with his hand for me to sit beside him. I anxiously brought myself to sit down on the grass with my legs folded in one direction and my hand resting in balance in the other direction. My eyes were still stuck on him and I tried again to reason out with him, 'Randhir! Hum yeh yahaan...' He again disallowed me the liberty to complete my statement and said, 'Sanyukta! Its a beautiful night. Just savour these moments.' The expression on his face now was that of somebody who was completely at peace within. The serenity reflecting on his face made me wonder further as to what has brought about this change in him over night. It is very uncharacteristic of Randhir to relish life in a way that he was doing it now.

I was immersed in my thoughts, when a wave of cool breeze struck, sending a shiver down my spine. To fight the chill that seemed to be troubling my neck, I let my hair loose.

I lost track of for how long we had been sitting there. An owl's screech brought me out of my trance. As I watched Randhir's in his relaxed state, I was amazed how we had not uttered a word for almost an hour just gone by, still I felt so comfortable and at ease.

After sometime, I felt Randhir shifting from his place closer to me. As I looked at him confusingly, he looked at me extremely passionately this time. What he said next almost left me gasping.

'Sanyukta, I am very tired. Can I use your lap as my pillow?' his asking for any permission was just a formality as even before I could react he had already put his head on my lap. My heart skipped a beat first and then started racing at a horse's pace. I tried holding my breath to try and conceal any visible signs of my being absolutely startled.

Thankfully his eyes were closed, so he could not see how astounded I was. Moments later as I got used to his head resting on my lap, everything only seemed natural to me. I felt my hand involuntarily caressing his forehead and my fingers running through his hair.

'Why do you trouble me so much Randhir? Why have you been acting weird with me all these days?' I spoke with a surprisingly calm spontaneity. 'It hurt so much...' yes I was actually complaining about him ignoring me.

Randhir shot his eyes open and with a jerk sat up facing me. 'I was confused Sanyukta. I was scared because I felt that I am getting used to you, dependent on you. But then I realised that I am no happier a person when I ignore you. So I am sorry and we are friends again, like forever.' My jaw dropped as I heard his confession, 'And that means that you will take me for granted like whenever you have such pangs?' I was flabberghast. 'But Sanyukta, you should know that I am such a moody a*sh*l*. And you should also learn to deal with it. As you are my best pal afterall! ' and he went back to lying down on my lap. The obviousness of his statement took me by surprise (or shall I say shock?). I looked down upon him in disbelief, and saw that he was biting his lower lip and and the lids of his closed eyes were flickering. Probably he was too embarrassed to look into my eyes and needed to settle down himself after what he had just blurted.

I felt all the turmoil of the past weeks settling down. I was amazed at how simply he had wound up the entire matter. I was supposed to know from the beginning what he expected out of me. But I still sat there wondering what was it that he thought was there between us for him to expect so from me. I realised that I was too overwhelmed at the moment to think any further. I just wanted to be there, with him, for him... I moved my one hand, put my palm on his cheek and bent down to place a small peck on his forehead. As I pulled myself back, Randhir caught hold of my hand, placed it on his chest, where they say the heart lies and clutched it with both his hands. His eyes were still closed, but the childlike smile made it evident how severely he was blushing within. And ofcourse, I could feel his heartbeat which was beating at a pace that matched mine.

After what seemed like forever, I decided to bring us back to the real world and suggested that we ride back to the hostel. I still can feel his penetrating eyes looking at me longingly, as we parted ways towards our respective hostels.

As I sit here, writing to you, my emotions are fluctuating like seismograph needles in the middle of an earthquake. I am elated yet am scared. I want to go out and shout my happiness to the world yet am skeptical that I may reveal too much. I am wondering, is this the feeling, they call is Love?


End file.
